"Teardrops On My Guitar"

Rarely does a song touch a string in my heart. The following is one of them. definitely worth listening. says things more than one. plus the music is extremely soft and soothing. let me not say more and spoil the fun of the brilliant piece.

p.s. the lines in italics are some of my favourites...:)

hope you guys like it...:):):)

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

whatever!!!!

dont know what for i am writing this. but as it happens with most normal human species, i had an emotional upsurge just 2 minutes back and i think i am probably still in it. why?....just watched a movie and i kinda get too senti and all after watching just any kind of movie....ANY.....but it has nothing to do with the movie, this post. in fact, i dont even know what it has got to do with. but whatever!...i dont need to know....

what for i called him up? what for i wrote those stupid, almost weird status messages on my facebook profile? what was i wanting back then? what was my intention? to make a fool out of myself in front of him? to get myself mocked at by the whole friends community on facebook? what was i trying to gain? was it sympathy i wanted ? was it condolences? or was it just him that i craved for? was i making his life miserable? was i wanting to see him unhappy? was i getting insecure?

oh wait! did i just say insecure???? buy WHY? reason? was it not over long back? was it not supposed ever come back again? was it not a cruel truth i had faced ? was i not strong enough back then?? was it not just another love story????

when i called him up, it wasnt insecurity, it was longingness, for his voice, which i never wanted should fade away from my heart. when i wrote those lines up there, they were not for people to have pity on me. they were not for him to make him unhappy. oh lord! it wasnt my intention. they were for him to know how much i missed him, not to have him back....have him back????...never did i want that. for, how could i ever want pain back? the lies, the broken promises back? back again the folllies, back again the heart breaks, back again the illusion? back again the sadness. no, no! it wasnt him that i wanted back. ijust missed him. totally. but BACK? NO way!

and he thought i never wanted to see him happy! oh! sad interpretation!

humne apna jahaan unpe vaar diya

khwaishon ko, khushiyon ko bhi unpe luta diya

ek muskaan dekh saken uss chehre pe

iske liya apna woh ek khwaab bhi mita diya

aur vo keh chale ki tumne apni hasi ke liye

hamara sab kuchh ujaad diya...

what an irony!

some people will never understand. and after that one phone call i realised a very sad thing, very disapointing!something that forms and will continue to form the basis of all happiness (and sadness) on this earth. something that i took very long to understand, something that i refused to see in 2 years . something that suddenly and most , most suddenly dawned upon me, as if just awaiting that call. something that is permanent and something that i have come to believe very firmly of late. and that something is that there is no such thing as love . ya ya ya,,,,i sound too foolish! too controversial! but ........whatever!!!!!..i dont see why people waste so much time in it? what do theyy get? i mean, dont they have better things to do in life? do they not realise that its just a trap? and do they not undertand the implications of it? for, how can they fall into it, i mean....knowingly...huh!!! how can they not see the disastrous consequences? how can they ruin a life which is just too short??? haan????

welll, well...i wish i could believe the above said . though i do think that there IS a part of me that does believe all of it. but when will i get the"full" me to get in terms with this....hmmmmm....pata ni.....i dont even know if i want to believe this. but surely there isnt an escape. and better it is not to even find one. it will find you itself, sooner or later. but whats with the escape thingy???? i just mean time!!!! you dont hav to find time....(at least I havent been able to), it will find you itself...you just hav to trust, have faith and believe!!!!

BUT...........trust? faith? belief???

oh god!!!! is there an end to all these illusionary and almost misleading sentiments like trust and all???/ such a vicious cycle it is.....wow! amazing!

i am very sleepy....and i am not gonna re-read what i wrote because i know its completely useless stuff pointless...but ................WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

history, not 'past'...

I havent really been in a “writing” mood in a long time now. Now, that definitely does not amount to saying that I have been extremely busy or anything. It only means that …..ummm…I just DID NOT feel like writing. Reasons are many (well, didn’t I just say that I didn’t feel like writing, so, is that not reason enough ) but anyway, let me elaborate.

Firstly, I have recently shifted to my new accommodation; it’s a single room on the third floor, with no attached bathrooms(ya ya ya , in my previous pg, I DID have a FULL bathroom /toilet attached with my room..:(), a spacious, “walk”able roof just outside my room, right in middle of bunglow road market from where I can have easy view of a lot many things, mc donalds, tom uncle’s magi point, kfc, becos, reliance web world , hansraj college, (if that counts!) and a lot many other places I might be forgetting which is basically to say that I am currently in one of the “most happening” places of north campus. But no, that’s not the reason I haven’t written for long. The real reason is that I have just taken a lot of time in the past few days to settle down. But whats with “settling down”, you readers might be wondering.? After all I have been out of my home, staying away from my parents, living in a hostel for more than a year now, so WHY now taking time to “settle down’? well, actually I have been trying to put a lot of pieces of an unsolved puzzle together in the recent past, something that seems to be taking a lot of time, patience, effort and introspection. Yes! That’s the key word- Introspection. By solving the puzzle I mean I have just been introspecting and putting things into place, “things” that went wrong in the past one year. Now, the last year has been a total fiasco in my life. And expected! Out of home into the “big bad world” as they call it, for the first time, meeting the “bure log”, again as they call it and living an “independent” life as they call it …ufff…these “they” seem to make a lot of sense most of the times! A lot of things went wrong because of a lot of things and to my surprise, mainly because of ME! SO So So, basically I have just been thinking a lot is the crux!

Besides “thinking”, quite a few things have been going on ….soon after returning from London, college started in full swing, with all the societies, dramsoc and debsoc mainly taking away most of my time, not to forget the fucchas who are highly boring. And this actually leads me to make a few remarks about our college societies and the strange “chair wars” going, and not to my surprise at all, for the society “posts”. I have, in the last few days of my college, actually seen people playing the “dirty” politics, if I may call it so, with my own eyes and I have been shocked to the core on seeing the utterly dishonest, selfish, shrewd, over-clever not to forget the conscience-less, principle-less and moral-less people (batch-mates) trying to “butter” the third years for acquiring the “posts” in the societies of their choice(and evidently so! I mean Mr.X was never so polite with Ms.Y who is the secretary of debsoc neither was Ms.A so “fond of” Mr.B, who is the secretary of dramsoc and wasn’t it only yesterday that Ms.G, who also happens to be a “friend” of mine, was bitching about Ms.H, who is the G.Sec of debsoc) and also trying to “foster” ties with the fucchas JUST so that they would vote for them when they stand in the college elections! I find it a not a little but highly strange that people will do all this at the cost of their values. I know I know, I sound so like mahatma Gandhi etc talking about principles and ethics and values and what not, but whatever! I feel disgusted to the heights when I come to think of all this. Anyway, why did I even bother writing so much about all this???!!!??? Perhaps, because itne din na likhne ki bhadaas nikal rahi hai yar! J J J

With all this college drama keeping me busy, I have had very little time to think about what people, at least second years like me, have been talking about a lot these days- CAT. Yes yes yes! Billi, about belling the CAT etc. The talk of the town is CL, TIME, IMS, etc institutes that give coaching for CAT. I have completely and thoroughly been feeling “out of place” when people around me start talking about taking THE “CAT”. All I have to say all the time is “listen guys, I am still undecided. I really don’t see why I should start “CAT”ting right now. I will take my own time in deciding” And true! I don’t see WHY!!!!!! Arrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Chalo, I toh will keep thinking about that but I really don’t want to. unfortunately, I have no choice!

All these things will continue to keep me pondering but on a little irrelevant side... I don’t know why I have been feeling a lot at peace with myself of late. Its as if a huge burden has gone off my shoulders, all my mistakes rectified and all my sadness vanished. Maybe that’s because of a lot of introspection and a lot of actions which should have been taken a long back. And also because I cease to be a resident of my old pg, called vidya jyoti , where I was always too restless and where I wasted all of my time loitering around here and there. At last, I am feeling that things are falling into place (touchwood!) and that I am much more comfortable in my own company than I was a year back., which , I would like to believe, is a very good thing. To put it in better words- as a result of re-discovering “ME”, I have actually and really found the “lost” me back, but am still ‘in the process of’ struggling to get the full “me” back!!!:)

Any way , anyway, enough of philosophy now. And enough of writing too. I don’t even know what I started writing this post for in the first place, but as it turns out, it gives a brief overview of my not so happening life in the last few days. That doesn’t serve no purpose, at least I am back to my blog!!!!..*sigh of relief*

P.s.- while I am writing this, sitting on my roof on a corner, I can see innumerable kites flying in the sky. I want to fly with them too….vo kya tha…”I wish I could fly, I wish i could touch the sky..” ..the view’s beautiful! Reminds me of the book and the movie - “the kite runner” brilliant people! Do read it!(watch it!)

PPS- happy independence day! J