WINTER

it finally feels like winters in delhi. while i write this and think about how much life has changed in the past year and how much the winters have got delayed this year, i find a queer similarity in the two things.that the winters have a taken a long time to arrive, and winter being my favourite season, coupled with the fact that this winter seems like the first winter of my life because of this strange, almost inexplicable feeling that i have ( good, for the most part), i wonder about how much old winters and summers have taught me. while i say that winter is my favourite season, it has got itself this title only this year, for this is the first winter i am living each moment of. now,this has nothing in particular to do with oranges, quilts, heaters, jackets and sun, it has more to do with absence of feelings. what feelings, you might be wondering. these are the feelings we (I,to be precise) associate with heat and thunder, with a cyclone , say. the sentiments attached with someone/ something, so bad that you want it, whatever the cost. the sense of belongingness, the pain of separation, the "non-sensiblity", the foolishness, the vivacity, the passion, the desire, the sensuality, the greed, the love. i am talking about the omission of precisely these kind of feelings that i have started associating with this winter. never has my life felt so incomplete , yet so complete ( mind you, its not the other way round).never has there been more comfort and never before this security. so, does this mean that the last winter wiped off all "feelings" from my life?
yes, i guess, is the answer. because nothing matters. people dont matter. feelings attached with people dont matter. passion does. now how can love and passion not go hand in hand? they can, and they are for me. realisation that illusions teach you best, that age is always a barrier and that passion for THINGS is always better than passion for PEOPLE, have resulted in me inculcating newer passions. (too much passion, eh?) what passion, is for another blogpost . but as of now, i am not confused because its winter.i am not in love because its winter. i am still living a passion because its winter.i am back to status quo because its winter. i am standing on the terrace because its winter. i am meeting a deadline because its winter. and i am not waiting for spring because winter is my spring.
but thats all for winter. summmer will be a different story. a story different from winter. a story different yet not so different because the passion will continue TILL i meet the deadline. i will.