lust.infatuation.love?????

Let me narrate to you a story. Not a story exactly but an incident, or lets say a series of incidents. Mind you, the following is not a work of fiction, but is reality.
There was this girl, my friend’s friend’s relative- Namrata (name changed). But I just happen to know her as she was my junior in school. And then there was this guy, Bhargav (name changed). He is my age only. Which means, a year elder to Namrata. These two live in different places, have o connection absolutely with each other and are two worlds apart. Bu then the boy meets girl through a social networking site. They become friends. Initially they talk about random stuff- interests, hobbies, tastes, educational background etc, etc. but gradually the casual talks transform into more intense talks- boyfriends, girlfriends, family, secret crushes, confessions, guilty passions etc. slowly, but over a period of about a month only, these two become more than just friends. They start to discuss porn, sex, masturbation. Intimate and private talks start growing, telephone numbers are exchanged. Now online chats have turned into telephonic chats which go on for hours together. For Namrata, it’s a crucial year in the sense that she has her 12th board exams. But she prefers to forget it while she is talking to Bhargav. She is a strong girl but has a strange longing to be loved (in a different way) bu someone. So Bhargav is the perfect angel sent by God. But she is also an irrational girl for she does not realize how much of her precious time she is wasting by going on chatting. She slowly becomes addicted to Bhargav. (that too in a short span of a month). She cant sleep without talking to him. She wakes up dreaming about him. She longs for those mushy words exchanged over the telephone. She longs all the time to hear his voice and let his voice do the magic in her body and let his voice drive her strongest emotions crazy and also let his voice take control of hormones inside her body. She is driven mad by Bhargav.
Bhargav , on the other hand, is only a playboy. As a matter if fact, he has only just broken up with his girlfriend and is just using Namrata to fulfill his bodily pleasures ( only over the phone though). Namrata says she loves Bhargav. Bhargav says the same to Namrata too. But for neither its love. Its only just infatuation. Or maybe not even that. It’s a degree still lower than infatuation- its pure lust, longing from both sides.
But gradually, as it happened, Namrata starts realizing that despite all the “I love yous” exchanged, love is missing and all Bhargav wants to talk to her about is sex. She tells this to him. But he is a master of words and knows how to delude people, especially girls. So he convinces her that he loves her…only in a “different way”. But slowly even he realizes that what he is doing is wrong. His conscience pricks him, only a little late. So he starts avoiding Namrata to cut all contact from her. But Namrata grows equally eager and desperate to talk to him. This entire cycle of ignoring and desperation continues until one day Namrata realizes that she was only being used by Bhargav as a commodity to fulfill his sexual pleasures on phone. She as I said, being a bold girl, starts abusing Bhargav over the phone, over the net etc, blame shim for all that happened and promises to make his life a living hell……. And this is the end of the story…

Now why I decided to narrate this story is because I have a certain comments to make on Namrata’s attitude toward Bhargav. Mainly because I cant go and tell this to her in person (for the fear of being slapped right across the face for interfering in her personal matters):
Namrata is no different from other girls her age. Probably many other would have reacted in the same way as she did or probably worse (though I don’t know how much worse it can get). When I got to know abut the incident (in pieces of course), initially even I sympathized with Namrata. But a deeper thought revealed to me that I am only being a firm feminist by believing it was only the guy’s fault. Was it only a one sided mistake, I thought. Is it only Bhargav who should be blamed? Was it enough for Namrata to get away with the whole series of incidents by passing the whole blame on Bhargav?
NO was my answer. And since the time I have got my answer, I have lost all sympathy for Namrata. She is using attack as her defense. She is being offensive and defensive at the same time by blaming Bhargav entirely for all that happened. I see it as an equal fault by both the parties. Why would Bhargav have started talking so intimately with Namrata in the first place? Only because she gave him the freedom to. Why would Bhargav continue to use her? Only because she allowed herself to be used. Why would Bhargav have crossed his limits? Only because she crossed hers and let him cross his. Why would Bhargav have taken advantage of her? Because she acted too irrationally and immaturely.

Namrata calls herself the victim but I call both of them as culprits, or better , I call her a voluntary victim. I am in no way saying that what Bhargav did was justified and right. All I am saying is that Bhargav never came and raped her, assaulted her or harassed her. All he did was…….use her and she allowed it herself. She has no right to play a blame game. She has no right to gain sympathy. She has no right to project herself as the victim in pitiable condition, because she is not. She hasn’t been wronged, she is only a partner in crime. If Bhargav fulfilled his desires, so did she. If Bhargav derived pleasure, so did she. If Bhargav loved being intimate, so did she. Then why pass the buck?

It hurts me to narrate such a saddening and dismal story of a woman , when we have celebrated the International Womens’ Day only recently and when all we women do the whole day is cry about our rights and fight for the passing of the womens bill in the Parliament etc. This story teaches us all a lesson- stop gaining sympathy and learn to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop blaming a take a step forward to admit …”yes, I have”. Stop being a self proclaimed victim and stop giving men more than needed importance (in whichever way). Learn to live as equals first if the whole day you have to cry about women empowerment. Stop shedding tears to wait for an aid. First stop treating yourself as the “weaker sex” and only then the world will respect you. Start being You, Yourself. Shed all guilt.
And most importantly……Don’t be a man…..BE A WOMAN!!!!

fulltoo vellapanti...

Now this is what I call fulltooo vellapanti…my exams are starting in not more than 10 days and I have suddenly started having all the time in the world to:
post stupid stuff on my blog,
go on facebooking the entire day,
do random net surfing,
chat with the most unknown people,
start cooking the most unexpected stuff…(I mean…me?????/ cooking??????/ f!@#), watch splitsvilla on tv (which by the way is most obscene and senseless show ever made….i still watched it :D) ,
change my fb status messages every 2 hours,
check out recepies of dishes online
experiment with my ridiculous hairstyle
“cook” oregano magi
listen to the most “unlistenable” songs like goli maar bheje mein etc.
play the games on my mobile which I never knew even existed before today
take stupid nonsense quizzes on facebook
read shantaram…(imagine….i cant read my textbooks and have all the time to read the world’s thickest novel…*bling bling*)
I mean.. the list is endless…so is my boredom
Why the hell?????/
I don’t want to mug up these textbooks.
Why? Do we have to do it?
I wish I had been studying instead of writing this
But as I said…I have only just started loving to waste my time….;)

25 MOST RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME.

25 MOST RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME.
What I am writing below is after taking inspiration from facebook, a famous social networking site , almost a craze amongst youngsters these days and I am no exception. I saw so many people writing the most random stuff about themselves and posting it as a note. Thought I would give it a try too. Shit man! Kya craze hai!
Chalo, let’s start!!!
1) I love studying….not that I am a nerd.(but if ppl want to think that way, they are most welcome to) But I just like books…whichever kinds. Leave me with my most preferred books (e.g. auto biographies of great and not so great men and women, novels- romantic , suspense, thrillers , mystery, whichever kinds, they should just suit my taste, and last but not the least, loads of books on eco) , and I don’t give a shit to anybody around me. Ha!

2) I have never given preference to my looks. No matter how much my ex-bf hated me for that, I didn’t care. Not that I would hate it if I apply a little bit of make-up or straighten my hair, but just that it has never been my natural preference or more simply because I think that there are better things in life which are worth worrying about than looks!

3)
Sometimes, (mind you, only sometimes) I want to believe that examinations should be done away with. I know there is no other parameter to judge merit other than exams (in whichever form). But the way exams are held in DU forces me to think that way. Firstly, exams are conducted exactly after 6 long months after the session starts, (which obviously means that we study only for the last 15 days and forget everything the day they end) and also because most subjects are useless. In brief, I believe that exams in DU are a pointless crap.

4) I love eating. But hate continental and French cuisine. Love spicy Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Mughlai, Punjabi and Rajasthani dishes. But my all time favorite has been ,and always will be, mouth watering South Indian, the dosas, the idlis, the vadas, the coconut chatny , the uttapams, the sambhar…all of these are my weaknesses. Yummmmm:P mouth watering…..yeah yeah people! I am a complete foodie, but please don’t take me as a glutton!

5) I can be rude at times, in fact, many a times. But the best part is that I always realize that I have been rude and go and apologize IF it is my fault. I do agree that till recently it wasn’t this way, but I have changed.

6) My roommate is the worst roommate in this whole big round - round world. But I also don’t deny that this experience with my first ever roomie has taught me lot of patience.


7) My father is my role model. (Though I have never told this to him!) and he is my biggest support system. Without him, I’d be nowhere. And my only dream is to fulfill all dreams that he has seen for me…my daddy strongest J

8) The best thing that has ever happened to me is learning French. I am in love with this language. Yes yes! It IS my first love people. Given a choice, I will like to pursue all my padhai in French, I sooooooo love the language. Whoever said, “it is the prettiest and most romantic language in the world”. I have all reasons to believe it!

9) I hate hill stations. I feel nauseous. I like the sea. My best ever memory of a beach is NOT juhu chaupati ppl (in fact, it is the dirtiest beach on the earth). It’s the Mediterranean! I haven’t seen as blue a sea, as flawless an expanse of salty water ever before. It was formidable!

10) Maggi and Cadbury dairy milk are by far the best inventions of mankind.

11) I love fabindia..its the perfect place to shop....fr gals....and guys too:)

12) I still don’t understand why I am doing B.Com honors. It is the most vella course on this planet and I still regret my decision of not taking up Eco honors. *sob sob*.

13) No matter how irritating my bhai is. He is the most wonderful person on earth. He is the cutest, the sweetest, the most understanding, the most annoying and the most caring bro on this earth, in this whole wide universe. ( but I would love it if he tries to chill out a bit!)

14) I do not understand people’s tendency of keeping an unhealthy competition. Arrey logon! Jo karna hai khul ke karo. Chhupate kyun ho? So basically, I really don’t approve of people who maintain double standards. Come out in the open and FIGHT IT OUT! Jo darr gaya vo mar gaya!

15)
I don’t like dogs, cats, lizards, rabbits, pigeons, sparrows , parrots, mice etc, neither as pets nor in general. I feel repulsive on seeing these creatures. Simply put, I am not an animals’ person. Bilkul nahin! I love humans!

16) I forgive very easily. I don’t forget that easily. In fact, I never forget. I firmly believe that we are all, after all, humans. And making mistakes is natural. As long as you realize your mistakes, you will be forgiven. Bas.

17) Till very recently, I never used to express what was in my mind. I have changed that completely. Now I do, or at least I try to. The last time I did, the consequences were really bad. But I still don’t think expressing yourself is such a bad thing.

18) I am growing my hair. I still cant figure out WHY? I mean, WHY THE HELL? It’s a complete mess and they don’t even look good. I don’t know why I cant muster the courage to get a haircut. After all, hair CAN grow back, cant they?

19)
Some of the qualities in my man should be – intelligent (I mean worldly wise), honest, loyal , understanding, and should not be all that bad looking (looks don’t matter much) ha! Am I asking for too much? I hope not. J

20) I have learnt tremendously in the past one year. Mostly about friendship. I value my friends. I don’t look for perfections in any of them. They are the only treasure I have and will love to keep till my death bed. Love you all loads! Muah!

21) I love traveling.My trip to Japan and France have been two of the most enlightening experiences for me. I would love to be a globe- trotter one day!

22) I love kids. They are the most innocent. And I love being innocent.

23) My mom is the best. Need I say more?

24) I need to reduce weight. Big time! High time! I hope to do that asap! *alarm alarm*

25) I wish I could continue writing more. Oh wow! I just realized how self obsessed I am. I wish this 25th had not been reached so quickly. Koi baat ni. Its My blog…. To be continued…

p.s. its almost a crime to read this and not comment...ppl now that i have written jst a bit of what i know bout myself, its time fr u to do the same.....i mean...write whatever u know about me....WHATEVER...jst let it not be very vulgar in order to save my blog frm any profanities.....so go ahead...look, am giving you all a brilliant chance to say what u think about me..(given that in general i hardly ever let u talk:D)............

allez alllez...

Broken heart....Broken wings...

When the hands that touched me once
Turn to somebody else
When the fingers that caressed me once
Sooth somebody else
When the lips that kissed me once
Give jitters to someone else
When the eyes that looked into mine
Turn away and stare into somebody else’s
When the touch that comforted me once
Comforts somebody else
When the words that praised me once
Are showered on somebody else
When the flowers that made my life fragrant once
Fill somebody else’s life with fragrance
When the smile that brought me near to him once
Is gifted to somebody else
When the promises which made me dream
Give the same dreams to somebody else
When the shoulders on which were shed my tears once
Are for somebody else to cry on
When the beautiful moonlit night that was my perfect date with him once
Turn into somebody else’s delight
When the beach side walk with him once
Becomes somebody else’s privilege
When the wind that blew across our face once
Blows across his and somebody else’s
When the moments that were mine and his once
Are shared by him and somebody else
When life which was you and me = we once
Becomes you and her = you forever……
Then my heart cries
But my tears have dried
I pretend, I bear a smile
I act, I wear a mask
I am ashamed, but I hold my head high
I am sad, but I laugh out loud
I am in pain, but I swallow it hard
I am dejected with life, but I stay there
I am angry with God, but still keep my faith
I curse my deeds, but still remain hopeful
For,
When the heart that beat with mine once
Cannot beat with somebody else’s
For,
The broken heart is still with me and with me forever
For,
I have two pieces – mine and his;
Mine in my heart and his…..in my soul…

P.s. i dont know why i have this title...:)

Beginning of an end or end of a beginning????

i dont know. i really dont know. because i am confused. no! confusion relates not to my feelings , but facts and circumstances prevailing. We met. ok.....let me not talk in terms of "we", first let me talk about "I". i met her at a time when i most needed her, when my life was in such a phase where i needed someone i could cling on to, someone i could cry with, someone i could share my world of secrets with, someone who would just be there for me. i simply needed a friend, a true friend. not those shallow bastards i had come across till now during school days. i needed to fill a void in my "unhappening" life. and she came at an appropriate, most opportune time---when i was in a new city,- new people, new college, new surroundings and new everything used to bog me down. we lived in the same hostel yet we were never on talking terms for along time. hey! no! not because i disliked her or anything but just because we simply didnt click, i mean never got a chance really to explore each others' company. but gradually as it happened, i dont know how, but it did. we started talking, as a matter of compulsion , not as a matter of choice, we being in the same class. discussions relating to our academics slowly turned to discussions relating to our families, friends, boyfriends, likes , dislikes.. and this is how it started to change between us-me and KASHISH.it's our story.slowly we discovered we disliked the same kind of people, we hated bitches, we hated cheap men, we hated ONS, we hated the same teachers and we hated the colege, we hated the system and we hated wasting ourselves in that stupid college. we LIKED reading romantic novels, we lked watching the same movies, we liked eating at the same place, we liked being studious, we liked chilling out, we liked being loved, we liked the same brownie at CCD, we liked the same burger at mc Ds, funny!! but so veryyyyyynormal for two ppl to just like the same things but these two were different, always.they were also very different from each other. she loved listening to music at high volumes, me at low. she liked spending lavishly on clothes, i didnt. she liked attending KK concerts, i didnt. she liked insulting ppl she didnt like on their face, i didnt. strange it was.but they were still pretty close. yes! at a time when we both needed each other the most, we CLICKED! we became the bestest buddies in a matter of just 6 months. it was almost like we were long lost friends destined to be together. (its so sttrange vaise....sometimes you take a lifetime getting to know someone and sometimes just a few months do the job perfectly for u)this is how it went- from the early wake up call in the morning to the good night hug at night- we were together 18/24 hours in a day. we used to stick on to each other-getting ready for college, going to college together, catching the rickshaw together, sitting together in clas, attending the same seminars and lectures, poking fun at the same teachers, roaming around in the market together, drinking together, hanging out together, eating together, shopping together, fighting over trivial matters together...together, together, together...phew! the very thought of staying away from one another used to kill us both.....now here is the time for an honest confession--she was one of the truest friends i made in my life, probably the only one. i could get so close to someone in so little time was something i never thought would happen to me. she came as a Guardian Angel, stood by me through the worst phase of my life, stood by me, laughed with me, cried with me, bore with my screams, my irritating mood swings, my constant nagging over petty things and all my poor habits.but who was to know it would all change one day? for can there be happiness bereft of gloom? can there be dawn sans a dusk? can there be true friendship withoit separation? i dont know. now kashish is in her hometown. she has a medical problem, a weird one at that- some brainlayer gets misplaced, some swelling happens and she has a constant headache. she sometimes suffers attacks of numbness. i feel bad for her, truly sad. she is in pain, but she would never tell. yet she knows her parents might not allow her to come back to delhi. i fear the same. and this is from where i start becoming selfish. i want her back because i cant live without her, i want her back in delhi with me because i cant imagine spending the whole day without her, i want her because i need her,i want her because i dont want to compromise on our friendship. i want her because i want to fight with God. i want her because i'm selfish. but deep down , i ask HIM this question....why do you have to make these deep bonds when your ultimate aim is to snap them, tear them apart? why do you give such friends when all you want to do is take them away? why do you show us an illusionary world when reality is far from it? why? why? why?questions reamin unanswered, disappointment deepens in the haert. doubt remains lingering. pain reaches more profound destinations. tomorrow.....with you or without. nobody knows. but this one is a tribute to my best friend:thank you for being what you arethank you for being with methank you for standing by methank you for making me laughthank you for sharing and caringthank you for understandingi never want you awaybut accept as i may whatever comes my way, i think i need you to know...true friends are never apart, maybe in distance but not in heart.P.S. is it the beginning of an end or just an end of a beginning...i would love to think it's the latter.P.P.S. i miss you Kashish. Get well soon. i pray...thats all i can do...