Let me narrate to you a story. Not a story exactly but an incident, or lets say a series of incidents. Mind you, the following is not a work of fiction, but is reality.
There was this girl, my friend’s friend’s relative- Namrata (name changed). But I just happen to know her as she was my junior in school. And then there was this guy, Bhargav (name changed). He is my age only. Which means, a year elder to Namrata. These two live in different places, have o connection absolutely with each other and are two worlds apart. Bu then the boy meets girl through a social networking site. They become friends. Initially they talk about random stuff- interests, hobbies, tastes, educational background etc, etc. but gradually the casual talks transform into more intense talks- boyfriends, girlfriends, family, secret crushes, confessions, guilty passions etc. slowly, but over a period of about a month only, these two become more than just friends. They start to discuss porn, sex, masturbation. Intimate and private talks start growing, telephone numbers are exchanged. Now online chats have turned into telephonic chats which go on for hours together. For Namrata, it’s a crucial year in the sense that she has her 12th board exams. But she prefers to forget it while she is talking to Bhargav. She is a strong girl but has a strange longing to be loved (in a different way) bu someone. So Bhargav is the perfect angel sent by God. But she is also an irrational girl for she does not realize how much of her precious time she is wasting by going on chatting. She slowly becomes addicted to Bhargav. (that too in a short span of a month). She cant sleep without talking to him. She wakes up dreaming about him. She longs for those mushy words exchanged over the telephone. She longs all the time to hear his voice and let his voice do the magic in her body and let his voice drive her strongest emotions crazy and also let his voice take control of hormones inside her body. She is driven mad by Bhargav.
Bhargav , on the other hand, is only a playboy. As a matter if fact, he has only just broken up with his girlfriend and is just using Namrata to fulfill his bodily pleasures ( only over the phone though). Namrata says she loves Bhargav. Bhargav says the same to Namrata too. But for neither its love. Its only just infatuation. Or maybe not even that. It’s a degree still lower than infatuation- its pure lust, longing from both sides.
But gradually, as it happened, Namrata starts realizing that despite all the “I love yous” exchanged, love is missing and all Bhargav wants to talk to her about is sex. She tells this to him. But he is a master of words and knows how to delude people, especially girls. So he convinces her that he loves her…only in a “different way”. But slowly even he realizes that what he is doing is wrong. His conscience pricks him, only a little late. So he starts avoiding Namrata to cut all contact from her. But Namrata grows equally eager and desperate to talk to him. This entire cycle of ignoring and desperation continues until one day Namrata realizes that she was only being used by Bhargav as a commodity to fulfill his sexual pleasures on phone. She as I said, being a bold girl, starts abusing Bhargav over the phone, over the net etc, blame shim for all that happened and promises to make his life a living hell……. And this is the end of the story…
Now why I decided to narrate this story is because I have a certain comments to make on Namrata’s attitude toward Bhargav. Mainly because I cant go and tell this to her in person (for the fear of being slapped right across the face for interfering in her personal matters):
Namrata is no different from other girls her age. Probably many other would have reacted in the same way as she did or probably worse (though I don’t know how much worse it can get). When I got to know abut the incident (in pieces of course), initially even I sympathized with Namrata. But a deeper thought revealed to me that I am only being a firm feminist by believing it was only the guy’s fault. Was it only a one sided mistake, I thought. Is it only Bhargav who should be blamed? Was it enough for Namrata to get away with the whole series of incidents by passing the whole blame on Bhargav?
NO was my answer. And since the time I have got my answer, I have lost all sympathy for Namrata. She is using attack as her defense. She is being offensive and defensive at the same time by blaming Bhargav entirely for all that happened. I see it as an equal fault by both the parties. Why would Bhargav have started talking so intimately with Namrata in the first place? Only because she gave him the freedom to. Why would Bhargav continue to use her? Only because she allowed herself to be used. Why would Bhargav have crossed his limits? Only because she crossed hers and let him cross his. Why would Bhargav have taken advantage of her? Because she acted too irrationally and immaturely.
Namrata calls herself the victim but I call both of them as culprits, or better , I call her a voluntary victim. I am in no way saying that what Bhargav did was justified and right. All I am saying is that Bhargav never came and raped her, assaulted her or harassed her. All he did was…….use her and she allowed it herself. She has no right to play a blame game. She has no right to gain sympathy. She has no right to project herself as the victim in pitiable condition, because she is not. She hasn’t been wronged, she is only a partner in crime. If Bhargav fulfilled his desires, so did she. If Bhargav derived pleasure, so did she. If Bhargav loved being intimate, so did she. Then why pass the buck?
It hurts me to narrate such a saddening and dismal story of a woman , when we have celebrated the International Womens’ Day only recently and when all we women do the whole day is cry about our rights and fight for the passing of the womens bill in the Parliament etc. This story teaches us all a lesson- stop gaining sympathy and learn to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop blaming a take a step forward to admit …”yes, I have”. Stop being a self proclaimed victim and stop giving men more than needed importance (in whichever way). Learn to live as equals first if the whole day you have to cry about women empowerment. Stop shedding tears to wait for an aid. First stop treating yourself as the “weaker sex” and only then the world will respect you. Start being You, Yourself. Shed all guilt.
And most importantly……Don’t be a man…..BE A WOMAN!!!!
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I agree with you about most of the things you talked about.....There is no point blaming Bhargav....but there is no point blaming Nams either, we all make mistakes in our life, right, and at times lose the sense of what is right and what wrong, call it love, infat, lust or watever.
ReplyDeleteBut as you said, you got to know about the entire thing in pieces, that means you ACTUALLY don't know the entire thing exactly as it happened. You don't have the first hand account. So, I find it over-judgmental on your part to typecast either the boy or the girl. And its not just physically that you can rape someone, maybe he was exploiting her mentally. You never know......
And all this feminist things you talk of, "Don't be a man, BE A WOMAN", what are you driving to? That boys are promiscuous sex-crazed species.....? And "WOMAN" are not someone who use other people or get themselves used?
lets say i know about the whole thing completely.
ReplyDeleteand i am in absolutely no way trying to say that what bhargav did was justified . but the only point i am trying to make is that namrata shud not blame the whole thnng onto him. she MUST not act like a victim (if she was mentally raped, she cud hav used better ways of protesting) . and yes! we all do make mistakes in life but namrata, instead of learning frm her mistakes is taking offence and not treating it as a "mistake" essentially.
refer to urlast sentence. i agree here completely. a "woman" CAN drive u get herself used. so y play the blame game? yehi to keh ri hun.
as far as me being a feminist is concernd....yes, thodi to hun hi..:)
i think u are being too harsh on namrata; both are to be blamed for whatever happened. Look at it from a different point of view, without being biased, and u'll realise that maybe it wasnt intentional on any side, at the same time it can just be justified. But mistakes happen. And both of them will realise this sooner or later and learn from this mistake of theirs.
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